Perceptions and the Reality of Anxiety

Perceptions and the Reality of Anxiety

Anxiety is a problem close to home for many reasons. Anxiety is also a disorder that is severely misunderstood, and often a confusing concept for people to get to grips with. Not only have I experienced anxiety first-hand, but I have also experienced it through other people in my life. Everyone at points in their life feels the toughness of nerves; be it for interviews, public presentations, meeting someone for the first time or just the general fear of the unknown. These are only a few of occurring events that make our stomachs churn, our hands sweat and our hearts race. Sometimes that feeling of nerves is bearable, it’s almost exciting but other times it can be overwhelming and often unescapable. 

Now, this is where the lack of empathy becomes a significant problem. A heightened form of nerves causes anxiety as a disorder. This disorder causes a huge sense of self-doubt which can lead to wider problems, depending on the extent of it. If we are to look at the dictionary definition of the word anxiety, then we will see that it is ‘an unease about something with an uncertain outcome’. These exact words shout one thing that is unpredictable, uncertain and difficult at the best of times – life. We cannot predict the future, we cannot pretend to know what is in store for us later down the path, and it is this exact fright that is alarming to some more than others.

Although I am not doctor-diagnosed with having anxiety, my head and actions are enough evidence to show traces of the very disorder. Sometimes I feel by stating something as a disorder that it is saying it is abnormal, and in fact makes it seem more alarming than it should. As I have said and will reiterate anxiety is very common and should not be seen as a huge problem. I am lucky that I do not have it as severe as it can be, but I can emphasise with those that do suffer more from it. 

Back when I was in secondary school I used to get it really bad and I often used to cry before school, I used to feel sick and weak, and most days I used to actually throw up because of it. I lost a lot of weight and most mornings were my worst nightmare. I never really knew the reason for my lack of ease and it often frustrated me trying to pinpoint the problem. It makes it difficult to deal with when you can’t identify the underlying reason for feeling  a certain way. I remember a couple of specific situations which involved the opposite sex and my anxiety seemed to be the worst at this point. Meeting boys and being comfortable was never my forte. Thankfully, this has been something I have grown out of (not completely). I am not saying that it has completely disappeared because that would be a lie, but my anxiety has got better as I have grown up, however it is those very struggles that make me understand others with the same problem.

Some people are lucky, or do well to hide anxiety and nerves. It may either be that yes, they do not struggle from them, or they are very good at masking it. It is completely normal and extremely common to feel anxious and it is treatable but it takes a lot of strength and a gain of self-belief to do so which is often a huge complexity. It is not only the anxiety and slight nerves, but as they progress they can often lead to panic attacks and these are scary. I have had a few in my life time, but not nearly as many as some. Although, quite recently I had one pretty bad.

When I was in Berlin we put a day aside to venture to one of the concentration camps. Sachsenhausen is located just outside of Berlin, therefore is just under an hour away via train. For some reason, the train journey already made me on edge. Miriam and I got split between a crowd of policemen that had boarded the same train. Before we got on the train, around a hundred policemen were stood at the platform. They all got on the same train and surrounded everyone. It was very crowded and claustrophobic on there and I felt even more lost because I couldn’t understand what they were saying. For some reason, this really put me on edge and I was glad to get off the train, however when we did I realised my clothing choice wasn’t the wisest and there were thick clouds above. The camp wasn’t close to the station either and required a lot of walking, however the weather seemed to brighten up. I felt fine as we were walking and when we first got the camp, but as we were half way looking round my stomach started cramping and my back felt like it was caving in. I was in a lot of pain and the cold started getting to me to. It got so bad that I struggled to walk and we had to leave our English tour early, which was a huge shame. I felt awful on my friend Miriam and this made me angry at myself, we rushed to the entrance and scouted a taxi which took us to the station as there was no way I could walk. We got to the station and scanned to find somewhere to sit, McDonalds seemed the best option so we sat in there. I was struggling with my breathing because of the pain and constantly felt hot and cold. I sat pretty silent and I could feel Miriam panicking a little for me. 

We got up to leave and as I got outside my legs felt weak and my vision a little impaired, I felt my heart beat begin to speed up and my breaths getting shorter. The panic was growing inside me and it wasn’t long before an attack happened. They are honestly the worst thing, everything seems to be an annoyance and it’s hard to calm down from. The train was delayed and was going to be another hour. You begin to think about every aspect of a situation. Such as for me it was the time to get home, worrying about annoying my friend, the lack of German I knew, the amount of people etc. The only place with less people was outside and there it was also cold which was not helping my pain. Miriam was great and looked after me a lot, but being someone who doesn’t really have panic attacks herself it is hard to know the appropriate way to act. I also have only known Miriam since January and this holiday she saw me at my best and worst, however I believe this brought us closer. It was her exact reactions that made me realise how understanding, and great of a friend she is to me.

I did eventually calm down and ended up falling asleep on the train (see picture above that Miriam sneakily took), but the initial panic and fear is horrific. It was the pain I was in, the unfamiliar environment, and terror of the unknown which all added to my panic attack. The only way you can calm down and get over one is dealing it with the best way you know, as it’s all in your own head, you are the only one who can manage it perfectly. The reality was that at the end of it, I was fine and I was okay. I fell asleep, I calmed down and my pains eventually went away, but when you’re a panicky person and suffer more from anxiety it is hard to think level headedly and often you expect the worse. For example, in my situation I was thinking I might need to possibly go to hospital and I was terrified I was going to faint, not be able to communicate properly because I do not speak German was adding to this.

So, there is a personal experience of my own anxiety. I am repeating myself by saying that my anxiety is not really bad, but due to having some knowledge of it, it makes me able to comprehend others with it. However, even when you can sympathise, you will never fully sympathise with someone else because it is too hard to understand what is going on in someone else’s head. As we all know, it is often difficult to voice our feelings as we become tangled with words and emotions that sometimes we cannot even understand ourselves. 

Anxiety is a difficult thing and should be something people are more considerate about, it shouldn’t be dismissed simply because it may not be the easiest thing to understand, but instead more time should be given to try and understand it. The words that annoy me the most are when people simply say ‘you worry too much’ or ‘you think too much’, it’s as if they think we aren’t aware of this and by saying it means we are going to be able to instantly change. It is this very reaction that is so dumb and hurtful which makes it harder. So perhaps this is just something people need to think about more when they are around someone who suffers from it, because the high rate of occurrence makes it likely that you will encounter a lot of people that struggle with these heightened nerves. It really helps when family and friends are supportive, even if they cannot completely relate, the support they are willing to display can help a lot.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.U1kuL_ldVLc This page has some information about anxiety and panic attacks.

Laura May.