Cyber Chatting, Tinder And The Future of Socialising

Cyber Chatting, Tinder And The Future of Socialising

Something that has been brought to my attention greatly over the past few months is that of cyber communication and the growing acceptation of meeting people via the internet. The internet is forever expanding and growing to suit every need imaginable, to which it provides endless possibilities. Now that iPhones and Smartphones are the idealistic phones to have they come with so many more functions than just the basic calling and texting we were used to back at the beginning of the millennium. There are ridiculous amounts of apps that can be downloaded to suit whatever interests you. So this is what brings me to the new app that seems to be obtaining a lot of attention recently - Tinder.

I saw a few people posting about it on Facebook and Twitter so thought I’d take a look. Why not? I’m single and there’s nothing wrong with being a bit nosey. I’m always pretty apprehensive about these apps as I know people that use similar ones such as Plenty of Fish and Grindr. Admittedly I downloaded this app called Blender once. I think it’s the straight equivalent of Grindr. I only really got it because I was bored but it was full of perverted, desperate males who would often send me pictures of their penises which I wasn’t really fond of. Therefore that swiftly got deleted! Due to this previous experience with Blender or hearing of other people’s experiences with the apps mentioned above, I was slightly nervous to get it. Once I downloaded the app and it said to sign in through Facebook but promised it wouldn’t share anything to my timeline (thank god) even though I am now basically telling everyone I have downloaded this app…so the secret is out!

I think that having it linked with Facebook actually makes it quite legit; unless you have a fake Facebook account then it’s not. The app links automatically with your current Facebook account and takes information from there such as pages you like, your friends, pictures and date of birth. The general jist of the app which is shocking is to swipe right if you like the look/idea of the person and swipe left if you do not. With this in mind, it is insanely shallow as you are basically swiping whether you find them attractive or not. Although, after really thinking about the concept it doesn’t differ that much to reality. In reality we are mostly shallow. We do base our first opinions of someone on the way they look a lot of the time. We each have our individual idea of what is attractive and because of this if we were to scan a room/pub/club for a potential partner our first reaction is more than likely going to be whom we find attractive and who we do not. Unfortunately, you can’t really grasp a firm perception of someone without speaking to them first. So, on a first glance this is what we will do. Don’t get me wrong, when you speak to someone, maybe someone that was first a friend or acquaintance that idea of them can change - for better or worse. This is how occasionally we will not look at someone in an admiral way until we have got to know their personality and as a result this may change how attractive you find them because attraction doesn’t just have to mean psychically.

But as I was saying, basically after you swipe on Tinder it might instantly come up with your face in a circle linked with the person you swiped yes for, revealing that they too find you attractive, it may notify you, or it may never notify you which basically means they didn’t reciprocate the same attraction. However, not to worry as there are plenty more fish in the sea! I’m genuinely saying this because there are LOTS of people that seem to use the app! I have come across  great deal of people I know in real life. After you are ‘matched’ with each other then you are free to get the ball rolling if you wish to. I don’t really know the reason I’m on the app. I quite just enjoy talking to new people, I’m not seeking a relationship because I’m content without one but it’s fine if that’s the reason you use the app. You just need to be careful to avoid those on it who might not appear to be who they seem, those who take the piss, or even those who are on it to compete with others about how many people they can sleep with (idiots).  If you’re like me and like to just socialise then there are a fair few nice people on there from my experience so far.

Anyway so that is the basic jist of what Tinder is. It seems that this way of communicating with people is fairly approved of, more so than it was in the past. A lot of people actually do meet via online situations whether it be Facebook, apps such as Tinder or serious online dating websites like Match.com. Obviously, more advanced and grown up sites such as Match and so on are going to be for those seeking more serious relationships. They really do lead to happy relationships; I don’t think that the adverts are lying too much when they say that. I honestly don’t see the problem with it at all. We spent so much time soaking up the internet that it kind of seems almost normal. Even if you met someone on a night out, or through a friend I bet you will chat via the internet a lot before you ever would face to face. It seems slightly as if society has brought us to be kind of afraid of face to face conversation and comfort lingers behind a computer/phone screen. It gets to the point where biting the bullet and actually meeting up in person may seem daunting to some. I won’t lie, when I have spoken to someone via the internet the fear of awkwardness in person is a worry. More often than none in reality it is usually fine and if it isn’t you don’t ever have to see them again.

Do you think that it is okay to meet people via the internet? People’s views towards it really do interest me because I think that it’s completely fine and I would never judge anyone for it. Some people feel really ashamed because of it. You just need to be careful about it as there are some weirdos out there. In addition to there being some strange and dangerous people there also a lot of insecure people who feel the need to change their identity through fake profiles containing other people’s information and photos so be careful what you believe. I am basically saying this from previous knowledge and a recent addiction to the US reality show Catfish where a man investigates two people who have had a relationship over the internet without meeting, and then when they meet they are often not as expected. I’m talking about evidence of a man meeting someone he thought was a woman, who actually turned out to be a man as well and visa versa. Though some things do come down to common sense; something does not seem to be right if a person is making excuses not to meet you and does not want to video call you etc. Personally, I wouldn’t proceed to talk to someone I hadn’t met if there was no clear evidence who they really were.

Speaking from a personal experience of mine, back in the day of Myspace it seemed very common to come across new people that you hadn’t met and that you would become friends with. I used to follow a lot of bands on Myspace and fans would often speak to one another. Now with Facebook as one of the most popular platforms for social networking it seems a lot more ‘random’ to get strangers add you with no friends in common at all. In fact this rarely happens and if it does I never accept. However with Myspace it felt a lot different.

I remember chatting to this one guy a lot and we would use MSN, as well as video call and phone each other most nights. It all seems so silly and immature now, but being young and naïve I thought he was good looking and things so I wanted to meet him and believe me or not, we did. In fact his parents drove him down because he lived about an hour away. Admittedly, I actually lied about meeting him before and pretended that we’d met at a gig. This is really bad and I don’t recommend you do it. I hope that my mum doesn’t ever read this otherwise she will not be happy. He even stayed at our house. As I was 14, he slept downstairs and I slept in my room. It actually feels quite a bit like a blur, I don’t remember what we did at all but yeah, it happened. This situation doesn’t actually seem that bad as we spoke a lot and video called all the time. I was lucky that it was all okay and he was everything I thought he was going to be. I saw him a couple of times after, I still have him on Facebook now and because of him I met a few people from the same county who became some of my best friends back in the day. I even had my first real boyfriend out of it who I’ve mentioned before in a previous post. It was long distance and sadly didn’t work out but him and I still chat every now and then which I love! That’s how it should be able to be however I guess we didn’t end on bad terms. David Barnes you are a sweetheart.

Why do I always go off on a tangent? I guess what I’m really trying to point out is the fact that chatting to new people online shouldn’t be frowned upon and should be more embraced as a new way of socialising because of the advances of technology. I think it’s absolutely incredibly how quickly and efficiently we can connect with people all over the world by a simple click of a button. It enables so many of us to remain connected with each other when we are so, geographically far apart. There will always be positive and negative aspects of things, the same with online communication and meeting people via the internet you just have to be knowledgeable and not naïve. I think it becomes much more acceptable when you grow up, rather than when you are younger for the pure fact you are more educated with life and looking after yourself and less likely to fall a victim of manipulation which is easily done through anonymity on the internet. Use the internet wisely and be careful, with this in mind it can lead to crazy new friendships if you’re not ashamed of it!

Laura May.